Saturday

I love weekends! I love not having to be at work and having time to do what i want. I especially love being here in the LV alto it makes me sad too. I made a mistake leaving here. I was so certain that I was doing the right thing when I moved and I just wouldn't listen to anyone's cautions. Oh well I am in WV now. Wish I could find a way to make the best of it.
Wish the house would sell and we could move back into town. Whatever made us think we could dwell by the Lake?!?!?

Yesterday was fun and sooo tiring. Babies take so much energy. I didn't eat well all day either and that didn't help. I hate feeling old and slow. But it is truly amazing at how I can keep up with Helena but boy is my body paying the price this morning! AND I usually get a massage Saturday mornings now. I do miss Maddie!

SO the grass is always greener and I always seem to want to be or have whatever or wherever I am not instead of where I am. I believed I would mellow with age. I do have less resistance to what life throws at me generally. Lonny's death has been a horrible blow tho. I still don't know how to live with that reality. To never ever see him again...

SO today Nik and Melanie are headed to Phila and I have Helena for the day. It was funny to not evn be able to pee when she was awake, it made me remember the boys, their being babies and how I loved them so. Wish I would have known how to be a parent, a better parent. I wish I could stop blaming myself for their lives and choices.

Enjoy your today. I shall! Today is really all we have. Time to stop living in the future and regretting the past. I have today to live life and for that I am grateful.