confession

Last night's meeting a dual member, very young and handsome showed up and wanted to talk and talk and talk and that is what he did. I was captivated by his brillance(oh those AA's are so wildly attractive!!) but I did see his flaws in being newly sober and his attempts to get his girlfriend to stick to her AA program and the hurt for him and for her when he stood between her a drink this weekend.

He went with 2 of us for soup after the meeting. I did not want him to look at me and tell me he likes our meeting, gets so much from it and how some of the people there have so much to give and are so wise. I did not want him to look at me as a wise old woman. I wanted him to look at me with lust in his eyes and tell me he needed me.

I am so not a wise woman. I am a sick old woman in recovery who needs to continue to work hard and have these fantasies removed.