Saturday night in the lehigh Valley

I put Helena to bed about 10pm. Already I miss her company. We were together all day today. I thought I'd loved before but this wow this is just amazing. She's 4 now and bright and mostly cheerful. She is kindhearted and yes sneaky and manipulative but not very good at it yet.

Last night I helped a sponsee celebrate her 50th belly birthday. Today it was my brother ben's 50th surprise party. I am happy for them and helped in celebrating. happy i could show up for my brother. I am jealous of them both. I was not in a terribly good place for my 50th birthday. No party. I suppose being in such grief did not at the time lend itself to a big party time. Four years later I am envying being surrounded by family, friends, alanons aa's neighbors. I even hosted a 55 Stayin' Alive party for DM.

Oh well. I'm mostly glad I've been able to have a hand in helping others havewhat I have wanted for myself.

helena's parents are at a concert tonite. I'm heading home to WV in the early morning. We are celebrating Lily's 3rd birthday. She's begun finally to talk and it sends my heart singing the way she calls me Gra am. Did you hear that I just love being a grandparent?

I took some time to go to cemetaries this trip. Drove thru the town I lived in as a teen then again as a young married. Its changed some but not too much to recognize the streets I walked on pushing a stroller and holding Lonny's hand many afternoons.
Memories. lots and lots of 'em. Put together a collage of pics for my brother. God we were so young once.

I loved it today when a woman said to me that she can see how I keep such a good figure playing so hard with helena she meant. I replied how I wished I had a figure. She assured me I do. WishI would feel that I do when I am surrounded by those I deem beautiful. Oh well. I love the way L puts it--I'm either the IT or the Shit. Yeah.

Enjoy your today--whatever day it may be...