Thursday

I really don't get it. Why wouldn't I be invited to my sister's birthday party? But I wasn't.
I could let it hurt, and it does. I could get mad but I'm not. In the scheme of things its not that important I guess. Not as big as I could make it I guess.

I know in my heart I have done what I could to make amends to her but she refuses to speak to me and won't let me know why. Maybe that gives her power. i don't know. don't really care today. I'm done.

I will continue to be a sister to her as much as I can. I will continue to be an Aunt to her daughter as much as I can. But I'm done fighting. I will do the 2 week prayer, forever if I have to but I will no longer do the things I've been doing like sending cards , notes and giraffes. She may never ask why giraffes, I might not ever get the chance to tell her.

I can't help but wonder, who's loss is it?

I have a relationship with all my other siblings and I always have , she doesn't and hasn't except to use Ben. And yet I continue to believe that her not talking to me has to do with me instead of her. I'm done. I have gone to any lengths. I'm done. Guess that's clear--she's not going to talk to me and I am done attempting to get her to do so. Now then--moving on...