lets start on the plus side

pluses: oh--gratitude list
I have a job today
The sun is shining and its beautiful and warm outside
I am so loved
Got a call for an interview
hubby says he will back me in newest biz venture/scheme I've come up with (I'm certain its reality based) uh huh uh huh


Concerned:
my health--upper respiratory yuck today again and she took 6 tubes of blood from me this morning
good news is I didn't pass out or hit her, she was more gentle than most
Next appt I'll be setting up the time to have the adhesions broken in my shoulder
Damn, its been so long since I felt well--4 1/2 years since the mono

I get so weary of Docs suggesting meds for my depression. I am so much less depressed than I have ever been in my whole life. I hada horrific childhood and adolescence. Terrified most every day for many many (16)years living with an active drinker. I believed him and I believed my disease that told me that his drinking was my fault. My son died.

I don't tell the docs anything more than my son died, I am grieving and yes I am depressed but I get out of bed everyday, shower, go to work, do all the things I do, I work with others and so on--I told 2 of them in the last 2 weeks that when I can't get out of bed I will ask for meds.

I spent some time this morning reading my gratitude/God shot journal this morning. I do that when I add things and/or when I get into that self pity nothing is working in my life mode. I have had too many experiences of God working in my life to not believe that God has me in His hands. Even tho my life is not all I want it to be--my life is better today than its ever been and I am aware.

And I have it so much better than that newcomer who celebrated her 1st Alanon birthday--I remember living her life and I don't anymore. And I am so grateful.