God talking to me?

So the order I read this morning was the AA 12x12 then As Bill Sees It.

I was on page 75 in the 12x12. Its underlined several places on this page. About how misery has been transformed by humility into priceless assets and how it brought strength out of weakness. About how Pain had been the admission to a new life and how humility is the healer of pain. The sentence that stood ot the most this morning was "We began to fear pain less, and desire humility more than ever."

I used to be soooo miserable and in so much pain (some self created!). But I am no longer. What a miracle.

So then I pull out As Bill Sees It to page 66 on which page 75 is referenced. And I get it. Surrender. Put God 1st. Not a God just for emergencies.

I don't know where I got this---
Healing doesn't take place when we clean up the living room and then let God in---healing takes place when we let God see the mess.
And geez, who do I think I'm kidding that God isn't already in the living room?

I stopped at the cemetary on the way home. I knew a stone would be there this time, just knew it. There is. It says "Beloved son and brother" he was that. He was also a grandson, a nephew, an Uncle, a friend, oh how he briefly filled our lives. And loved. He was loved and he loved.

CT convention highlites were the Alateens and the AA's. I heard so many complaints of the quality of the Alanon. All I could think of was how spoiled the complainers are, most of my meetings here are of the same quality. Its been suggested over the last 5 or more years to work hard and to be an example.
I feel sad for those who were disappointed. It really was torture at times with late starts and being held hostage by some speakers. But we were all there for healing, for fellowship and because we have a disease and are sick too. But I was not disappointed by the love that surrounded me and the really awesome ability to be finally right sized.

The best speaker of the convention (in my humble opinion) was the blind AA. But he reduced me to a puddle when the last line he spoke was--"I will die with this disease but I will not die from it."

I really want to look in and visit my fave bloggers but I will have to be patient and wait one more day.