I thought I had not much to say but I proved me wrong yet again

Went to my noon meeting where we had an AA speaker. Last week when I heard we were having an AA speaker I got pissed. Listen--I love AA's you know I do. I got obsessesed that we should have Alanon at an Alanon meeting and let those who want to hear an AA speaker go to an AA speaker meeting. I even asked the GR to ad ot to the next biz meeting agenda to only have Alanon's speak at Alanon meetings ---unless of course it is an anniversary meeting. I don't try to carry a message to AA's when I go to an AA meeting. oh dear, just listen to my self righteousness ugh

Then I went to the meeting today. It is so in God's Hands and God's timing and so not about me and what I THINK I want. Damn! that man will probably get more Alanon's to an Open AA meeting than I've been able to get there in these last 5 or 6 years of inviting and inviting and inviting Alanons to go to an Open meeting. I can't do what God can do.

Oh and more of how intolerant I am--- no nevermind. Just know that I sometimes get stuck in believing everyone else should live up to my standards. And then I remember how very low my standards were and how I didn't know anything about values or being a better person or citizen and I have to let go of how I think others should behave in my house. Oh how I want to bitch and vent about an exwife BUT I won't.

I was cranky last evening I suppose and I really did think I was over it until I started typing so I know what to do-- ask for removal of the need for this defect of judgement and intolerance. I go tplenty of Lily sweetness time.

Headng for NC tomorrow morning to visit my Aunt Clara who actually lives in AZ but is on the east coast in NC and I'm gonna see her. I didn't get to see her last time I was in AZ. I can tell you I keep pushing away or back the thoughts about being in NC the last time I was there. It was to gather Lonny's things--no that was my rationalization---I was really there to look for him but he was gone. All we had left of him was some of his things from his 2 week stay in that home.
Oh how I wish Aunt Clara were staying somewhere else. Or that I could pass up this opportunity to see her. But I can't, she's older and I may not get another chance to see her, kiss and hug her hold her hand. I know how often I've not loved on someone because of my fear or pain or soemthing about me. She wants to see me! She calls me daughter of her heart. How many many times I've gotten in the way of showing up for someone who loves me.

Dm going with me. He is so not a traveler.
Here I go tho--packing for this next adventure learning to use my program in so so many ways. I'm so terrified of failing. I do seem to come thru these trials ok but the fear going into it is huge. Well, I know I'm not alone.
Back Monday sometime--
til then enjoy all your todays