Ohio Pyle

Went to Ohio Pyle State Park in Pa today. They have all kinds hiking trails and a rail trail. Beautiful river. Biked 5 miles out then back 5. I pushed and did it without whining. Felt good.

Looking into renting the townhouse and buying the rail trail house. It will be a god place to settle for a long number of years---30? 40? Ha! I've not lived anywhere longer than 6 years ever. I am so ready to be settled, not settle.

I kept wanting to think of today Memorial Day as a day about veterans and those who fought for us. I wonder what good it did to try to deny it as a day to remember loved ones as well? I'm just so done in by sadness and grief and sometimes I just want a break from it. I loved him and her and her and they aren't here anymore. I still wish that would make me more willing to be more loving and attentive to those I love that are still here. Damn I am such a hard hearted woman sometimes.

I remember writing a somg about being a hard hearted woman in my middle twenties. I think I was a wanna be hard hearted cause I just am so not able to be hardened and am such a sap. Today I read to pray to love more. At just a day I want to do the opposite. I love how God just seems to find that specail way to zing me.

I'm glad Monday is almost at an end. Tomorrow is another day. I do love always waking up finding I have another chance to live yet another day.