Ma Dukes

Doin' all I can do to enjoy today.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

only 9am

and already I am in a dither of how am I going to get everything done today? Its quite obvious that despite my praying, reading and meditating I am NOT putting my schedule in God's Hands yet but trying on my own self how to 'figure it out' which by the way is NOT one of our slogans.

As for being negative, my second husband once told me that I could f-ck up a wet dream. I sure was one mean untreated Alanon immature woman at the time. I still have to work so so hard to be positive on a daily basis. I am not nearly as negative as I used to be but then again it is like my weight--I am not where I would like to be. And hopefully, being in my 3rd marriage I am not nearly as mean or negative but oh honey I have my days.

I appear to be distressed about Lonny's upcoming birthday date. Its months away! Its an underlying kind of distress that seems to be creeping into my everyday life-- oh is grief as insidious as the disease of A? Maybe. I am finding it difficult to focus on certain tasks like sending birthday cards, new baby cards and sewing on a few popped off buttons (DM's, not mine!). Today's ODAT reading is about Keep It Simple and other slogans and its all I can do to live in this present moment. Sitting her unfocused looking out the window is not helping---altho it is a beautiful view of green grass, blue sky singing birds and life abundant. It hurts still that I could not give him the willlingness to live life differently. I am and was so powerless over his disease but never hopeless, never without hope...

Christina, I've read your email with tears just streaming down my face. I am here. I love you. Thank you for loving me. MUAH!

5 Comments:

Blogger Nael C. Robes said...

I drive myself (and everyone else) crazy with my 'to-do' list. I am exhausted before I start. Just one thing at a time and eventually it will get done (or at least the things that need to be done).

10:18 AM EDT  
Blogger ArahMan7 said...

f-ck up a wet dream. Sheesh! I used to feel like that once upon a time.

ODAAT. Remember ODAAT, Christine. And ditto Nael C. Robes too.

1:40 PM EDT  
Blogger Kaycee said...

And breathe, my dear friend, and breathe.

3:27 PM EDT  
Blogger Mary Christine said...

I wish I could just wrap my arms around you. XXXOOO

7:44 PM EDT  
Blogger Syd said...

Being positive isn't as hard for me as expressing appropriate negativism. I tend to be so optimistic that sometimes I have to remember that I need to be real. Wishing for things to be positive by acting positive doesn't make them positive. I forget that a lot.

11:07 PM EDT  

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