ouch
My sponsor sure got me again this morning. I'm grateful that I didn't try to fight it or her. I am judgemental and critical. It must be such a burden for others around me to have me so judgemental. I know how small I feel inside when I hear judgement instead of dindness or helpful criticism.
Other than praying for removal I don't quite know what to do about it. I am aware, I do hear it in my head when its there, I don't always say it out loud, but it might come out sideways or when I'm not watching closely.
Oh how I'd rather be kind than just or self righteous. Will it ever go away so I can just love and give freely and have that joy of watching someone else react in kind, kindly instead of moving some distance from me?
Of course I am doing what I can to stay out of the false pride now. Such a slippery slope for me. See, I can't do anything right so why bother...comes pretty quick on the heels of her frank direct and yet loving comments to me. The other is I am such a bitch. Which I know I am not always.
Letting go of the defect and the supposed need of the defect....hope I can let it go...but I seem to be still stinging....
posted by Mama Dukes @ 9:36 AM
2 Comments:
We are not saints, the point is we are willing to grow along spiritual lines, we claim spriritual progress not spiritual perfection...
Just when I think a defect has quietened with a load of prayers and right action, another eskimo appears and the defect rears up big and large again...
no cure, i just pray for the person as soon as I have judged them, sometiomes i tell my head to shut up so god can speak, and ask for my thoughts to be turned to something more useful.
self righteous is a defect I have too. thank God for Step 10's or i would be oblivious and end up walking a very self righteous path believing its just self confidence.
Sponsors and old timers are wonderful, truth tellers, no messin'
Have a good weekend
You know what?
When I feel this way (which is often), I just tell myself that I am exactly who I am supposed to be today. If I can catch myself occasionaly during the day, and correct my attitude then fine...that is taking action. If I can't then I get up the next day and ask God to help me do it better. That I believe, is God's will for me...to just get up everyday and try...it's our willingness I think, that enables God to do his "stuff" in our lives...at his own sweet speed...which is SLOW AS MOLASSES.
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