sleep

I remember the first time I was able to go to sleep easily and stay asleep all night even tho Lonny was out there somewhere doing very dangerous things.

I am so grateful to Alanon for giving me a God, peace and the ability to sleep instead of lying awake worrying or 'thinking'.

Newcomer last night with a 27 year old addict son who is not sleeping. Doesn't look as tho she's eating either. She sure is doing everything in the book to try to save him. I was there long time ago.

And now I am here. And angry that the boy won't call me on Mother's Day or return my calls all the other times I call or even this past Sun evening didn't get on the phone to say hi even. I am not often angry. Big Book tells me not only to stop fighting everyone and everything but also anger is better left to others--not me who goes overboard or other things I've done with anger. My 'instinct' is to give him a piece of my mind for not calling me about this incident for several days. But I won't say a word about it for now. I will let it go until a time when he and I can sit quietly together. If I say something now he will be able to say see--thats hwy I don't call you--you overreact. You know my ex, his Dad told me one time that was why Lonny used drugs. Because I continually made scenes.

Now youa nd I know thats not why Lonny used. Lonny had the disease. But today I know when to speak up, to keep quiet and to keep my over reactions here in my blog, to my sponsor, my husband, safe places to vent and then walk on letting go and letting God.

I have a health fair I have to do this morning. Then I'll head out on the highway hoping to NOT find adventure coming my way this time. I'll probably do lots of praying.

Talked to sponsor last night. I'm getting these horrible grief lessons. I don't want them. Ahhh--I guess God just makes me stronger. For what I wonder.

I wonder. Not I worry.

Have a memorable memorial weekend. I'll stop at the cemetary this time. I'll remember Lonny, Grandma, Joanne, others...