a reasonable life

Ahhh, life. Sane, serene, reasonable and without drama equals boring. I misss drama I really do. Its what I've worked so hard to be released from. I crave adventure and excitement. It isn't here in my berg in WV. I don't have to option of looking for adventure and whatever comes my way (remember that song?) Work, meetings, church, a bunch of sponsees take up all my minutes. I guess I must really want it that way or it would be something else...

Last night H spoke at the open AA meeting. I've been light and polite and cordial to her since sometime in spring when she asked me to sponsor her in Alanon, she called me 3 times then quit calling me without returning my 2 phone calls. I don't chase anyone. But I've heard some things even tho I did what I could to stay out of the gossip.

So she goes up to speak and I find myself somethat intolerant and am not up for hearing the usual egotistical bull shit. I want to walk out but HA I got a ride to the meeting and can't leave. I settled myself with GOd wants me there for some reason so just listen. I listened. I cried. I felt the compassion. She is hurting and it shows. She is back to the basics. She is more humble altho that ego still resides. I know in my heart that altho she wants what I have, she's not ready she is too close to a drink and I cannot help a drinker.

I hugged her after the prayer as I hug all the speakers. I just said thank you because there wasn't any real time to say all that I might like to. I am so surprised how easily I continue to love her. And I do. She said she was glad I was there. I told her I'm happy she is still in this thing. I gave her my new phone # and wrote that I have not ever walked away from her. She pushes me back so often. Its her stuff that makes her do it--its not about me. I wish we weren't so distant.
In the meantime I will continue to find her in my prayers. Maybe someday, maybe someday. And I'll continue to refer the AA's I know who are looking for a sponsor to her and I'll bet she'll continue to refer those AA's needeing Alanon to me---we've been doing it for years now. For years... DAmn its hard to watch so much pain in action until I remeber thats how we often grow. When life brings us to our knees--

Its good to be back here too.