doing well on a Monday

Who knows why or how but I feel pretty good today. Physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
Am I in denial or could it be that just for today I really can and do feel good?
Do I always have to wonder when the other shoe will drop? No cause I know it will, it always does. So then for today no worrying about when it will drop. When it drops I will deal.

It is still winterlike weather here. I am still in WV. I am still married and living at the lake. My family is still in the LV. I do not have all that I want but I have alot of what I want--and I do have peace. Thats such a good thing to have.

I have no idea what will happen to or for me tomorrow or the next day. And thats ok. I will be ok somehow.

I hate that my son had to die. I hate that I couldn't stop it from happening, that I was and am powerless. I wish I could believe that he is in a better place or that he is in peace. I wish and look for signs to tell me so but I find none. I have lost connection to him except for memories. Some good, some not so good. I try to stick to the good ones.

And I remember that he knew I loved him the best I could. I keep in mind that he loved me the best he could. And all that love lingers somewhere. Wish I could do more visualizing, like some do so I could have him here somehow, somewhere.

In the meantime. I feel good, I can work, live, laugh sometimes, love and have something to give. It might only be for today but I'll take it. Its been so long since I felt this way.