staying in the today

What makes it so hard to stay in this moment, this now? How comes my head keeps going to what's next, whats next?

Its a beautiful sunshiney day. I feel good physically. (Sunshine seems to do that for me.) I only have to do this hour. I don't ahve to be in next week or next month or next winter or next year. I only have to live thru this 24 hours. I can.

I've had some trouble rearranging my schedule to accomodate 2 part time positions. Both exciting and valuable work. I am usually very self disciplined but in the recent past I've become so unfocussed and struggle to bring my focus back to the task at hand.

Rearranged the furniture at home. Just like the old days---can't control my insides so try to control what I can, the house. THEN I would be able to have more control of everything else. Funny thing, the house with 2 boys and active drinking never came under any kind of my control. Therefore...

But the desk is in the kitchen now in the sunshine and room I like best in the townhouse. I actually sat at it and did work there. The living room is more open, well as open as it can be for the tiny space and lots of pieces I can't seem to give up. Now if I could just convince someone in this state of WV to give me internet service---would life be complete? Reminds me of rocks-- I have a rock story. It represents how I am not ever satisfied with life as it is and how I always want more. Someday I'll have time to tell it here.

For now, on to working until early afternoon. Then home for more work AND a phone interview for a full time position that is not granted and does have some benefits. Sounds great huh? Yeah but oh thats a big time YEAH BUT I so enjoy living on the edge-- well, cross your fingers that my Higher Power gets in there and I get out of the way. I'm sure grateful to have been taught contrary actions and to do the phone interview and do my best in it. And delayed action too. I don't have to make any decisions until I'm offered the position, which I have not been offered this morning. So, it is Thursday (gotta get into that nakid Thursday fun thing some day)and I'm here in the ofc until 1:30pm. Its all I have, this monent, morning, today.