returned

It was a wonderful weekend. I could list all the negatives, there were some like driving into the storm and long wait over Bay Bridge in driving winds but that all disappeared when Helena did a dive off the step into my arms. We had fun! I love grandparenting! Lily is interacting more now and she is a doll. Did I say I love grandparenting???!!! Wish they both lived closer so I caould be with them more. But I'll take all the moments I can!

The parents got to know each other better and said they had a great time.

Hope to do it again.

I also got a chance to return to what it was like living with active drinking. I watched my daughter in law act & sound like I did when I was youngly married and trying to keep my then husband from drinking and more---I was soooo controlling and did not see then how manipulative I was.

And I watched my darling son change after 2 beers. I kept my mouth shut. I did what I could to support all the things he gave to support when he didn't drink--he is a loving son, husband and father and he has grown and changed especially in the last year. He can say Lonny's name now and talk about some memories--they were'nt all bad-- Nik doesn't see drinking or drugging as a problem and its not my problem. I can pray that he---but all I can do is pray---I can't change him and either can his wife. He is almost 24. He does sooo many things right--its so wrong for me to dwell on the negative. And you should see him on a long board---he is so graceful.

I did what I could to pay attention to the DM this time instead of whatever it is I usually do---duh not pay attention to him-- We are a couple and its good for me to keep that in mind especially when my attention is diverted by BABIES!!!! wonderful and fun and loving and insistent BABIES!!! But it sure tugs my heart when she says NO let Gran do it!

I was so scared when my kids were babies and little. I'm certain we had some fun together but I wasn't then as free as I feel now when I am with Nik or the babies. Gosh its been a long road to get here but I am so glad to have traveled it to be here.

Now if I could just get as glad to be here in Fairmont-- not there yet. I seem to still be funneling so much negativity into being here in this town, and thenthis state--- Will I ever be able to see the glass half full instead of what is lacking? Perhaps--- acceptance is the key--- take the action and let the feeling follow, act as if--- ready set go live in Tuesday Go