intentions
How clueless can I be? Pretty damned unconscious it seems. I go along thinking(1st flag) that I am dong well, I'm F I N E!!! My intenetions are honorable--I can rationalize and justify---yep my intentions and thinking are great! Then Bam! I get to see clearly how distorted my thinking can be.
I know I am generalizing here and not telling you the whole story. The whole story is not real important since it happens over and over and over (another flag) and there I am in my insane head thinking once again I have all the answers (flag flag flag)
Not to go into all that self false pride either---where is the balance? Why is it so hard to live normal---oh right, alcoholism, the disease. Gets me by the throat or I love the way Linda illustrates it with the hand covering the face---that's how far I can really see--not much beyond self.
So today is not an office day and I am doing just what presents itself in front of me like doing the dishes, reading my literature, praying, tasks, obligations, phone calls but I sure am avoiding cleaning or brushing the dog--
and waiting for that darling man to come home from his overnite trip to visit Lily and Emily.
oh and more grief counseling--man that sure stirs me up--
staying in Wednesday and enjoying today being open and willing if not completely honest--I tellmyself such lies--
posted by Mama Dukes @ 10:41 AM
5 Comments:
Have a good day ~ thanks for your share
You are making progress Christine,
you will see that down the road.
For today,I hear your doing your best.Thanks for sharing~
You are too hard on yourself my dear. Sometimes we just need to wrap our arms around ourselves and hug as tight as we can. Come on now...hug that wonderful self.
I know exactly what you are saying! It's good to read this...I so need to be continuously reminded there are others like me.
I am glad you are here. Being human isn't an easy job. Sometimes I just have to focus on my breathing...
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