love

Did you ever meet someone who just oozed love?
I met Paul sometime in the last year at the town meeting, he was sitting just behind me. He talked of hiis anger at the politicians not getting it about alcoholism and addiction. We connected that night---a sweet man, an angry sweet man--- sweet Paul. Thats what everyone calls him, Sweet Paul. He told me then about his son and we talked of Alanon and many things since that night.
He spoke tonite at the meeting. Its an open speaker meeting. He has 34 years of sobriety. I saw him last night at the red ball meeting---I'd never been at a red ball meeting--I'll wear a skirt next time since all who get tossed the red ball speak at the podium---but last night before the meeting he told me how he drove his son to a treatment center earlier in the day. I could be happy for him, for his son, for the hope
For some reason in the middle of his speaking the tears started oh now I remember he spoke to and for the people at the ACT Unit, the institution and the love oozed in colors you could see and touch it was palatable and I haven't stopped crying yet. Yes, I hugged and was hugged and cried and drove and cried and its quiet here and now I'm crying typing.
I want for his son what I wanted for mine

I want to love like he does I want to ooze the compassion and love I saw tonite. I want to not hurt and feel sorry for myself I want to give

and I do. I give.
Kim's daughter died 7 months ago in an ATV accident. I met her aa few times when they'd bring her to the meetings--cute little girl, only 8. I sat next to Km last night and knew why I was there next to her. I took her my grief book tonite. I wish she'd accept more but I'm not an alcoholic or an addict and I don't speak her language I know I can't help her but I was able to say something and she said it helps to know it will get better someday. It is better most days. It is better most days but not today.
But this too shall pass and tomorrow will be another day but today I hurt and thats a good thing to hurt to be able to feel the pain the loss and then tomorrow maybe walk on

oh just when I start to think II've got it licked---thats the biggest problem--me thinking

Looks like I typed and cried it out. I'll go wash my fce brush my teeth get on my knees and say some prayers for those suffering out there who are living with active drinking in their home, in their holidays. Theres only one way I ever can get out of myself---be of service to someone else. Sweet Paul. Can't help but see God's handiwork in that man---someone I would have passed on the street and felt sorry for because of how he walks with a cane and shakes and look how he loves---oh my greatest teachers are those I least suspect could teach me anything.
But the snot now needs to stop
(thought of Mary Christine when I wrote that last line & smiled---
good night God bless