stuck

the only time I find myself hating Christmas is when I try for the "perfect" present for someone. Otherwise its fun and I love finding ways to give. So ok, I want these people to like me, really like me---ok I really want them to be impressed and wowed by my thoughtfulness and how I got it just perfect for them. Geez louise, I can't think of anything so I procrastinate and here it is a week away and I am stuck stuck stuck

My sponsor this morning talked about giving from the heart---

I really do want to be a great giver. But I want it to mean something different than its meant to me in the past.

Well, onto making soup for tonites dinner. No one came last Friday. Have about a dozen RSVP's for tomorrows cookie exchange. I cut and cut the appetizer list--I always overdo. I'm an alanon thru and thru. Let me give you more than you could ever want.... ugh. So keeping it simpler than I usually do and less stress.

I'm lonely lately. Probably the holiday blues kind of lonely. I want to look out and see the abundance not the lack. I try oh gosh i try. I wonder if it doesn't happen here for me cause I want it for me. I remember learning about going to meetings for what I could give instead of what I could get---maybe I need to make that larger and make it in my neighborhood, my community. Ok, its worth a try---maybe a resolution----no not revolution, did that in the 60's and 70's well I was a revoltionary wannbe as much as we could be in rural PA.

Have a fun weekend---I'm off to attempt to do the next right thing