death and LIFE
Going to a funeral this morning. Darling Man's cousin's wife died. Diagnosed in Oct with cancer, she's gone at 59. She was a good woman, giving and loving and loved. She seems to have lived life large. DM and his brother as pall bearers.
At open AA last night I was told Drew went out again and this week died.
Just got a call that DM's brother is in hospital again with his heart. Went in the middle of the night.
I am doing my best to stay in the moment and out of drama but hell I'm scared. I used to be scared of living. Now I'm scared of dying. I'm scared about my husband dying, my son, my granddaughters, my friends,
I spent much of the last 2 years or more not being afraid of dying cause then I'd get to see Lonny again in more than my dreams, we'd be spirits together but now
LIFE is good. I am enjoying loving and being loved and my life is no longer small or miserable and I might have more grandchildren and I want to be around for them with them. I spent most of my 50 some years miserable and I'm not any more. I want to LIVE LIFE now.
Well, onto my knees and onto the day. God can remove these forms of fear. Maybe I can be of service today and be a great giver today and get out of my fears. Oh these lessons to let people know NOW they are loved and important to me and have great value in the world--you do you know. You are valuable to me.
posted by Mama Dukes @ 8:27 AM
4 Comments:
ya know, that made me remember when I first got sober, and I was so afraid of driving and getting into a wreck and dying. It seemed like life was finally good, and I just did not want anything to mess up my new found happiness.
You will be in my prayers. Take care.
Take care, you hear.
Greeting from Malaysia.
I am glad that you are making a choice to live life and live it by allowing yourself to be loved and loving others.
I am sorry to hear about some of the sad and painful events going on. Sending you my love.
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