freakin' fast Friday

Damn a whole morning can pass so quickly. Its almost 11am here and yes I have accomplished much but I have way more to do.

DM left very early for a long distance bike ride. They plan to do 75 miles stay overnight and then back 75 to the truck. We had heavy rain this morning here and it is still dreary. They are likely to get wet not being too far away.

Finally go out to a bike ride myself last evening. Felt good to do 8 miles but its the ice cream reward that I love best. Being allergic to dairy its a double edged reward. If I could just find a different reward. Oh, like its enuff of a reward that I do it and have some great legs, huh? Nope, its not enuff.

So, loads of time to myself, filled and filling easily. I do love to be alone when I am not isolating. Called a couple of newcomers to invite them for dinner tonite and open AA meeting. Talked to my sponsor. Couple of work calls and its 11 and I need to get to the gym before noon. Well I could go this afternoon...I do a day better when I stick to some structure. I get slippery so easily.

Last nightI had trouble getting to sleep, might have been the ice cream, might be that I don't need to go to bed so early anymore now being healthier, who knows why I was still awake, I was. I got out the baby journal I wrote in for Lonny from birth to 3. It was comforting. I loved him so much and it showed. It also showed my struggle in being a Mom. Then this mornings reading in God's Calling about comfort, it fit perfectly. I was not sad or crying last night. I did feel comforted and wondered why and if it was an okay thing not to be heavily grieving while I looked at the journal. And the pics of his first year--one for each month. How delightful to remember some of those moments. He & I we did have some fun moments and joy how it flowed.

I am so grateful to have had him in my life and I am so sorry and yet ok that God took Lonny home, I couldn't save him but he is in God's world and I have been held in the palm of God's Hands thru out the last how much time has passed? Oh I hate the disease but oh how I love the diseased.

Christina, I'm hoping and praying and trusting you are on God's path. I miss you tho.