James
James' parents, girlfriend and the girlfriend's mom came to the institution meeting. Its an intro to AlAnon meeting. James is 17 turning 18 in a week and his father in particular wants to save him. Maybe even knock some sense into him. But oh the tears and love that flowed from that man. Mom mentioned to me after the meeting the weight she felt lifted from her shoulders knowing she is not alone in this struggle. The mom of the girl used to go to meetings cause of her mom's drinking but she hasn't been for a long time. The girl kept quiet. Very quiet. Could she be using too?
Three of us Alanons there to share our ESH. I did pray before i spoke and found different wasy to say things never telling them how this disease killed my son at 24 who was 17 when we started the next 7 year journey of wondering when will I get that phone call and isn't there anything I can do except love him? Pray they told me pary and love him I did.
Last nights meeting Ron in his storyspoke about how the meetings are for him. It doesn't matter to him whose cell phone rings or who talks during the meeting or or or
Damn I envy his acceptance of those things. I found myself not jusgemental but sure distracted by the newspaper rattling and the talking going on behind me.
All my life I have wanted to be like other people. I am not. I have traits, experiences defects and strengths similar to other people. How come I see the differences as so large and the similarities as so not essential? I want to be like you so you will love me, think I'm something else, someone worthy somehow. I do know intellectually that I am ok, worthy, valuable, etc Yesterday and today it is not in my gut.
Last night I had to tell my latest new sponsee that I can not sponsor her if she doesn't have an AA sponsor. It is the first time I put it so directly so bluntly. I am prepared for her to go her own way which is where her incredible self will is taking her. After 8 years her AA sponsor let her go. She is afraid to ask someone else or is she afraid she can't go to the lengths she is asked to go? 12 years sober and a ball of self will running riot--but wants me to help her save her kids. Why am I telling you all this? Ahhh, on my mind and heart. Praying for S, her new husband, her kids... I can't fix or save anyone. I sure learned that lesson the hard way.
I know I know too long of a post. Sorry. Going to work on that long long list of chores I have not been able to accomplish more than a quarter of today. How to manage my time now that my daytime is so filled with working in an office. How do you do it?
posted by Mama Dukes @ 6:02 PM
5 Comments:
how do we do it....embrace the dustballs...don't peer into corners and remember, people and pets first then food, laundry and dishes every day...everything else can hang out and wait Leslie
So inspiring....nice to know that the struggle to save others is one that many go through. I being the "addict" in the family never had to worry about that too much....until now when my own child is far down the path that I took so many years ago. No one could save me until I made a decision to let them so I know all I can do is love her and pray. I just didn't know it was gonna be so hard to do.
Inspiring post Christine! I should probably start going to Alanon meetings, I have heard they are very good.
I feel different too, but maybe it's because we assume that we know how other people are feeling inside, and we percieve that it's different from us.
You'll get the swing of working in an office...it just takes a little time.
I also have had to realize that being different in my thinking wasn't so bad because it brought me to Al-Anon. And that has changed my thinking in big ways.
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