A New Year

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

This was in a new year's wish to me from a long time friend in Houston TX, Cathy. I used to visit her every year in WV for 2 weeks in the summer when we were young. I admisred her strength then. She built her own life there and her own house. Parsons, WV on what is now an organic farm.

I would prefer to discuss anything except what is going on right now with me.
I cannot make anyone happy. I've quit trying. I can go to how I am not enuff, there is not enuff of me, not enuff time... Or I can simply do the best of what I can do and live my life the best I can. Its the suggestion I made to the new sponsee I have last night. Stop reacting and live life on life's terms I heard me say to her.

I enjoy every moment I get to have with people I love. We had a little Christmas and some dinner with Nik Mel and Helena then some quiet time her at Roni's a little with Roni before we all needed to sleep. Chante and Laura stopped in to visit early then Chrissie brought breakfast to share with us, my sponsor and Patsy. It was a nice visit. We went to Nik's again, got Helena to bowling alley meeting up with her other set of grandparents for a game of fun. I got to be at the Sunday nite meeting with my sponsor and sponsee for a speaker meeting of 2 new AA's and an Alanon. Oh how Michael had characterisitcs of my boys--same generation/age. Time with Helena putting her to bed then back here to read the newspaper and breathe.

My sponsor said I need to spend some one on one time with her and I don't know how to manange that today. Its my last day & night here this trip. She said that is why she came here but I don't buy that. She didn't come to the LV to see me. And I am seeing her tonite at the AA dinner, meeting and dance tonite. I am having some reisitance to attempting to fit in going to see her at her parents house for even an hour. I cannot please my husband, he is not as dark as sometimes, he really is making an effort. I really don't get it, its not like he does anything different or more when we are in WV--but sitting around here and there is not the same somehow. And he just doesn't enjoy grandparenting the way I do.

Oh it feels good to spill all this out. Thank you for your patience or inpatientience whatever. Its not really for you. I am hoping my solution will fall out here in any minute. I've been praying.

Today for Harold we are not running right down to Helena early this morning. But get there befre noon sometime, I shall not hurry him. Hurry makes him miserable. This afternoon we will head to the Shiner's to share a bit of Christmas. ^pm to midnite I'll soak up recovery, kiss those I love Happy New Year, get a bit of sleep and head back to WV sadly leaving those I love here. I'll be back to celebrate Helena's 4th yes 4th birthday in early Feb after living life in Fairmont WV for another month.

Just starting finding fear inside about the little bit of outpatient surgery I have scheduled next week. So much cancer talk everywhere. The 25 years of smoking I did I have been so afraid of the repercussions of that from time to time it slips to the forefront of my thinking.

Well, back to the wonderful newspare that was to big to finish reading late last night. Oh how I love being here in the LV no matter how others feel about what I do, don't do. It is glorious to be home.

Enjoy your New Year. Hope you find you can live your dreams this year.
Enjoy your todays, every day.