surrender

Surrender and powerlessness. I am powerless over alcohol over the alcoholic over my husband my child my grandchild my boss my craving for dairy my body my aging body...I am powerless over people places and things---all of 'em.

I didn't always know I was powerless. I fought and fought and fought to have some power some control but I finally surrendered and told God I am done fighting now what will He have me to do? And could I please have courage to do whatever He would have me to do and by the way I really need BIG messages so I can see or hear His Will instead of my own.

The only thing I have power over is myself, my actions. I can't control my feelings but I can control my reactions. I can't control my thoughts but I can control how much power I put into them or to let them float away just the same way they floated in. I am powerless over the people I love and their disease but I can keep my disease in check by working a program of recovery that contains a design for living my life differently.

My life is almost never unmanageable today. I do what I can to keep putting my feet into my program each day, turning my will and my life over to the care of a God who loves me and wants me to be happy. Oh don't for a minute believe that means I don't look for drama or chaos cause I still sure am attracted to it still. But the truth of it is my life is very good when I consider the horrors some people still live with today.