Saturday musings

Its early morn. Misty with promise to be a nice day. Did I tell you how nice WV smells? Last night in mybackyard it really was intoxicating. I don't know where it comes from but sure hope it continues---

And I've come to appreciate the lack of humidity here. Being in the Valley last weekend the weather was torture since I'm nw unaccustmed to living with it being so humid.

Last night's meeting I sat alone--no other Alanons to join me. The speaker was so not dynamic he carried an awesome humble message. Wonder if I'll ever get humble?

Little girl next to me in the circle to say the prayer, it was her first day in the treatment center that brings their people to this open speaker meeting--Ashley--she can't be more than 18. God its so hard to stop wanting to scoop them up and make it all alright for them. Didn't do it. But I did ask Paul how he's doing and he asked me about methadone clinics which I know nothing about but asked him why do you ask me about that? He took his son there thatday---oh, this is why he & I are talking a son on heroin that I know about and asked him if he attended any Alanon meetings, he did and found it lacking so I invited him to mine--forgetting of course that I m at a conference all next week but if he calls I'll hook him up with a sponsee who goes thru here.

Every day this week I struggle to stay in today instead of going to next Thursday. I want so badly to celebrate Lonny instead of mourn. My heart has been collecting all the memories it can. But I hurt oh God I hurt. Nothing no one could save him.

Well, onto Saturday. Doing my 12th Step with my spnsor this morning. Going to the institution meeting and then to the hospital to see a fellow Alanon I just discovered she is in there. Hope to stay in today but oh God I want to go back to when he was 10.

Pray for me. Pray for Ashley. Pray for Paul's son. Prayfor hope.