Thankful Thursday today
Grateful for:
-filled up with baby love--Helena's and Lily's
-sunshine today
-valuable work (now if I could just get to it)
-prayer works
-I'm more spiritually fit today than I was over the weekend
-for solutions
-fellowship
-my new do still works
-my sponsor telling me the truth even when I don't want to know it
-DM working in day spa--2nd day today
Couple of the readings from this morning--I read a grief meditation book, ODAT, As Bill Sees It and God Calling-- self discipline and self control were front and center topics. Last night's meeting just like Sunday nite's in PA was expectations. I still want to try to do things on my own, my way which never seems to work very well. Self centered and selfish I can be wanting and expecting others to be and do as I will. AAhhh I learn, oh I learn something more each day.
I stopped at the cemetary on the way out of town on Monday. Kept hearing in my head --do not stand at my grave and weep for I am not here-- But then I wondered where is he? In my heart and somewhere UP there but he is not in the ground-- I did some weeping anyway. Grief today is quieter and gentler than it was in the beginning. Thank God for time for it really is a healing factor. Anger gone too--
Despite that I have those beliefs, it doesn't seem quite right that his grave is not marked with some sort of stone, only the metal marker that was there that first day, the day of the funeral. It is banged up from mowing and weather. I am afraid to call his Dad to see if there is something ordered but I am going to call him anyway--and hope to get an answer. I want to schedule a plan B right now but I will take this step at a time and see what his response is before I plan a reaction.
Onto today and trying to focus on the task at hand, what is in front of me--
just doing Thursday today
posted by Mama Dukes @ 9:10 AM
3 Comments:
Thanks for sharing. Sounds like your in the right place. Keep on keepin on.
G~
Yes it does sound like a good place to be
I remember when I was a kid and my grandpa was dying of cancer...I was young and it was near impossible for me to understand what dying really was let alone that when I visited him next it would be at a cemetary. I remember going to his grave every year on Easter or Christmas, his birthday or Father's day, and every year my dad would stay in the car while we put flowers on his grave. Once when I was about ten I asked him why he never went to grandpa's grave to visit him and he said, "when a person dies only the memory of death lays there in that hole in the ground, the real soul, the important piece we're supposed to hold on to is right here," as he pointed to his heart. He said, "I visit this place often." I have to believe that a grave is just a physical space in which we try to connect to someone that once was...when really we need to look inside our heart and fill up the empty spaces with memories of who and what they still are. Hope that makes sense.
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