lonely on a Thursday

I was feeling a bit lonely and so instead of writing first I thought it might be a good idea to get out of myself first and visit some blogs then maybe write something.

First and only blog I went to was Carly's. I understand it may be the disease but I sure am sorry that whatever happened happened for her that she up and went away. But then again I recognize th action cause its what I have often done. cut n run. Which often might have been a good solution but then again often has not been a good solution. My disease wants me alone and despairing. My disaease keeps me isolated and lonely and unable to reach out. It keeps me in the problem and not the solution.

Last night's meeting felt like I interupted a click. So I got quiet to see what is it about me that is making me see this meeting this way. How am I not participating as a member of the group. I do do things differently than others there. For one, I say my name, my whole name. Not one other person even said their first name when they shared. I did not participate in the crosstalk. I don't attend the Sunday nite meeting most all of them do from this Wed nite meeting. Oh I don't know. Oh I think it started when someone mentioned---oh I'll put you on the email list to get that information and she was not talking to me nor am I on that email list.

I know I have been mean and left others out in the past. Damn its hurtful. Hopefully I can do what I can in the future to not do this to others, epecially others who may be hurting. I did leave that meeting wanting to cut n run. I've felt that way amny times here in WV in meetings and ok outside of the meetings too---

But I am here. I will be saying here for some time. Hopefully I can not take too personally what is not meant personally but rather humans just being human and a bit thoughtless at times.

By the by, I had a wonderful interview this morning. We seemed to connect and I felt confident but I don't know what the competition is. She said it would be about 3 weeks before I hear anything so I need to keep suiting up and showing up to do the job I have today. But if you would cross your fingers. Its 7 less counties to cover, a much larger salary and a company car!

Pipes still frozen here in townhouse. What a God shot to be staying in Catawba right now while we have such frigid temps and no water. I do appreciate how He takes care of me.