troubled Thursday
I don't know how many people think about it but I am troubled by some of the "natural disasaters" that have been occuring. Such as a tornado yesterday in Brooklyn. Who in Brooklyn ever thought of a natural disaster like tornado and floods would or could hit their city?
Is anyone paying attention to what is happening to the world? To our world? I had trouble getting to sleep again last night. And staying asleep after I did finally drop off.
Its not fear that something will happen to me. Its that so many things are happening to harm so any on so many levels. I went to a Pan Flu meeting this afternoon. I'm not the only one who beleives very few are listening. But it was an excellent meeting and I was only a right sized member in it and not the leader this time. If a Pan Flu hit our town tonite our town would be a mess, our county would not be ready and I don't think our state could handle it.
Before the Pan Flu meeting I went to the United Way Leadership breakfast. Another area where my heart just bleeds. So little is available for the so many in our town, county and samn our state is poor poor poor.
I wnat to cut n run. I want to hide. I want to not care.
I am only one person. I can keep plugging away and I shall. This afternoon however I am so very frustrated. I missed my noon AlAnon meeting. I worked a good portion of my yesterday was supposed to be a day off. So I think I will go do a relaxing hobby this afternoon and fill my soul. I really have to let go of thinking I can do something big or bold to make people sit up and notice.
It was an odd and eery feeling this morning. I got in my car and my radio was on NPR station as it always is but there was no sound. Not a sound. FOr a moment I wondred if something big had happened in the world and since I don't do a newspaper, radio or tv most days---maybe something huge happened in DC and I didn't know about it yet cause I didn't get online either this morning before leaving.
It was only a moment. But a long moment. The next action I took was to see if another radio station was working and what might be the news.
I still don't know why my usual NPR station didn't work. I can tell you I still have that uneasiness in my belly. Yeah, you probably think I'm just a mental case or anxiety ridden and could use some meds. Well, you might be right. But then again, my guts might be.
Here I go tho, gonna give the day up to my God and do what I can to enjoy this today.
posted by Mama Dukes @ 12:34 PM
4 Comments:
Gosh Christine, you have so much compassion for people,and that is an admirable trait. I remember back when 911 happened, even though I live far away from NYC and DC, I was profoundly affected by the terror that the world shared on that day. It sent me into a tailspin of depression, that I eventually ended up using.
I also remember going to treatment and voicing some of my fears, the counsellor there told me to focus on me and my loved ones, and to stop watching the news! I don't know that I fully agree with her advice, but I do know that she was trying to show me how to "accept the things I cannot change..."
As much as one woman can make a difference in the world, we need to take care of us first, and turn the rest over to God...
Love ya gurl.
When I took my undergraduate pathophysiology class, I was convinced I had each disease as we went along.
When I have to attend disaster training or address what we will do about pan flu or MRSA or any number of things, I can lose my mind. I can't think about it too much or I will.
I'm so sorry that you are feeling so...helpless..I think is the word I'm looking for. I don't know what I can say to make you feel better....maybe you need to come to Texas and work the Bait & B-B-Q with me!
Yes I have thought of those things that are happening naturally in the world. I have to bring it all to God or I will go nuts.
Have a great weekend.
Oh yeah! I went to AlAnon again on Wednesday. It is humbling being new with 16 years of sobriety in me pockect :) I told my sponsor it is good for me.
G~
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