Monday morning now

Will I ever get to the place of accepting things the way they are instead of wanting it to be MY way or the way I would do it?
The candlelight ceremony was odd. Not at all what I expected---theres those expectations again-- We sang Christmas carols. It didn't help. I am such a bitch sometimes on the inside. At least I've learned to keep it inside. So I sang and cried and talked of those I love who are not here. Lonny, my Grandma.

We'll be on the news and in the local paper. They took us aside for interviews & pictures. Felt yucky but I didn't say no. They interviewed DM as well and I asked him what he said. He said it better than I did how Lonny was a gentle soul who loved animals.

Then we went to see Ellie and I ate even more sugar.

So it is Monday. I will try to do for 24 hours what I can not do for a lifetime. Live today. I think it might be time to be gentle with myself somehow. Even if its not my style. I cannot just push thru this.
So go to work, exercise at lunchtime, eat correctly, call for help from others, put one foot in front of the other after praying to see what is in front of me to see.
Oh and see what it is they put in the paper. Hope it is tastefully done. He was a very very young reporter.