Sunday part 2
I needed to hear it this morning. How its not about shopping and baking and decorating and triming and and and being christmas busy. Its like Pam comments its aobut love and tolerance and sharing peace giving joy its about love.
Trouble with someone who hugged me her perfume actually gave me hives in my eyes and I had trouble seeing then I had tears and oh how I hate being messy. Evelyn was the hugee. SHe asked me how are you I replied fine how are you she said shes good then she said no I am not fine and I said no, I'm not good either She said Why do we lie?
She said she fell and broke a rib and look at the cut on my wrist.I asked did she go get checked and why won't she get checked and does she have help with her husband since she is his caretaker and what can I do to help and no I don't know what is wrong with me lately.
She does not want my help. I cannot help. She like I want to figure it out on our own and fix it ourselves and not intrude on anyone or take up their time.
Will I ever run out of tears today? I hate this I hate being weepy all day long without having a sobfest jst weepy without end or reason.
I hate ttoo being so damn sensitive to the perfumes. It was a relief to change out of those clothes. How funny, I am so out of sorts I just realized I hung them back up in my closet.
Oh and I ate alot of sugar last nite at the party. I am a mess. Life can be messy I know but that is life not me---I'm firmly in control aren't I? No? no...
not enjoying my today today. Hope it turns around soon I don't know how long I can go on with my insides and outsides this way. I hate being so vulnerable.
posted by Mama Dukes @ 2:20 PM
3 Comments:
{{{{{{{{{{{Christine}}}}}}}}}}}}
There is a big hug for you. I know that this will pass, but I will hope that it is quickly. XXXOOO, MC
Its Christmas time... and there's no need to be afraid...
but I think it sends everyone of one one, stirring up expectations and perceptions, spending time with those we wouldnt normally and resenting the fact that we cant eb with those who aren't here physically anymore. Out of control really... thats CHristmas.
My experience of these BIG DEALS are I make em big. its just a few days and it doesnt have to be perfect, whatever happens we will breathe on boxing day and the day after.
Glad you let me get that off my chest, I needed to have that discussion with myself and havent given myself the room too.
NOTE TO SELF...
Must do a step 10, rather than blah all over Christine;s comment box
love ya
xx
It's why I like Thanksgiving. I'm trying to keep a Thanksgiving state of mind this Christmas.
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