TGIF!!!!

So excited that I once again get to go to the LV for the weekend, short weekend this time but I'll take whatever I can get.

I did it again, tried to run, tried to get out of WV before its time to leave. My boss shot me a job opportunity in NJ doing what I do and it pays 20,000 more than I'm being paid now. And I had it all mapped out how I could live with someone in Beth then rent something in Easton while Harold finishes up getting vested at his school and then he'd come to join me.

Except that my leaving now would put the nail in it for my marriage and I know it. But run run run I wanna run run run and get out of this dirty little WV town and LIVE LARGE in Allentown PA where I am known and loved but of course the Govenor's wife doesn't know me there like she does here...

HAd a massage yesterday that melted me and yet gave me an energy I've not known for a very long time. Went to yet another bad WV meeting where the chairperson dominated and made editorial comments AND told all the people there new and not so new that we nnever never say our last names so that you know its safe and no one will break your anonimity. And there I go telling them my full name andlooking bad or deviant yet again. Oh God I hate being so damn different all the time. Or do I? Maybe I relish how different I am, how I stand out in a crowd. People wanting what I have but not willing to go the distance to do all the hard hard work I do to be here. I work so damn hard to live as I do to not want to die.

I'm a mess. Is there no one to help me? Where do I have to go where someone will see how hurt and vulnerable I am , how much I need to be comforted. I am NOT strong! I want to scream out to all those who come to me to take a piece of what I have not left to give but here you go have a piece anyway...

Work a bit. Ask God to get my head out of the way so I can work a bit. Then get in the car for five hours and hope that whatever it is I am going there to do I can do. And then I get to dance!!! Oh my dancing on a Saturday nite like I usedta do and think of nothing or no one just how long will this swing last oh shit I missed that dosey doe but hey I can catch up here What in the world does she think she is doing? I got here first Oh my I am light and free and dancing...