Wednesday wanderings

oops, its only Tuesday!

This unfocussedness continues.
The rain continues.
My restlessness continues.

I can't seem to find a groove.

I don't know if its grief, laziness, spring or some other character defect. Could it be an asset to be so free floating at the moment? Its not something I'm accustomed to but its familiar in the last year or more. I probably continue to accomplish much more than I know-- my pereption of me is often skewed.

Mother's Day may be a contributing factor. Didn't go into the self pity but allowed the tears of one dead son and one in the disease. My loving hubby so very wonderful but no one can fill that big hole I carry around some days. We did go to lucnh and then to look at my next car! Maybe Oct!

I did get to my Sunday nite meeting and was so certain I'd be wallowing in the muck with others sadness but! the topic was service instead and it was an uplifting meeting. Fellowship afterwards brought me into close contact with some longtimers and we ate and laughed and shared. God I love these women. And I find myself accepting of their love and unconditional caring. I believe they love me and they let me love them too! Awesome

Now don't go thinking that I'm gonna go and get comfortable or bloom or grow in West Virginny cause it just can't or won't happen!! ;)

I talked to Nik last night. Detachment works but oh my God is it hard work sometimes to not go where Alanon has taught me not to tread. I was happy to hear his voice, I always am. AND!!I got to hear the best sound in the world--hi Gram-- lots of goobledly gook that made me smile a mile wide and then Bye Gram I love you. My broken heart melts. I wait for the healing. It comes.