healing hurts but hurting heals

Seems it may be time to find joy despite the work of grieving.
It is his life that is over, not mine.
--Elizabeth Berg

It is amazing what I find in my hands to read. Find because of my work to hear. My life is here now in the present to make things better for my community--not for myself. My family oforigin, my family of choice, my friends and all others that come in my path. Can I do it? Can I stop the spirling into self pity and pull up into myself that which heals me and others?

I heard stories of such great adversity andyet they were the stories of such great hope. My newest hero-- a 17 year old boy who was able to turn his life around because of a camp designed to show him a different way to live and now he passes it on to others. The tears rolled down but I did not sob aloud. I tried to stay in the joy of what he has accomplished instead of the pain of the loss of Lonny's incredible spirit which unfortunately could not overcome his addiction.

I have so many skills because of my experiences. My deep, dark and shameful past can give me the opportunity to feel sorry for me or the opportunity to lift up and out.

But I find myself so hurting at times that I am unable to move out of the muck. I do wish at those times I could let others in to love me and help me heal. I find instead going into a corner to lick my wounds when all I had to do was answer the telephone.

But today is another day. I can begin this morning and have by getting on my knees, being grateful for yet another day and opportunity to not do what I want to do but to do instead that which may uplift another. I asked for help to not push away the good for me so I can pass it on to someone else. I hpoe to accept what is in front of me instead of looking for a way over under or around what is in my path.

Perhaps as one I really can't make much of a difference but I do see that I am a part of a community. Communities. We collectively can make the difference that one of us can't. Thank you for joining me so mny days, so many weeks, being a part of my community-- being here when I hurt and when I heal. And thank you more for allowing me to be a part of your healing and hurting process-- its an honor to know you-- you, my blogging buddies have all touched me.