more on genetics

My brother Chuck was here briefly last evening-- well, he stayed the night but he went to bed real early so to get up early for Gauly Fest in Summersville today--

It was the oddest thing to see both my Dad and Lonny inside my brother. I'm sure i noticed it before but this time I seemed to really be able to see. Or is it that I want to see? I sure do seem to be sliding into that grief spot of missing my boy. But if I look like my Dad and Chuck (my youngest sibling) and Lonny look like me--then of course I can see us all. Relatives--thats what thats all about huh?

My Uncle Chet who is 86 sent me the beginnings of his memoirs and a picture of his father's family. How very intriguing. Then I start wishing for the time and energy or wherewithall to go thru pictures from way way past and the not so distant past and look for look for what? Clues to who I am and how I am defined?

But thats just it. I've been redefining myself lately. And not from th past and how it taught me to be or even cope--cause I coped badly. Survival mode does not allow one to grow much. But to seewho and what I am today.

It was wonderful to read in a book---I love Ann Lamott-- she speaks of Alcoholism and more--but it was great to find a passage about how I have developed an antidote to my pasts poison, give it away--that goodness I have and therefore have it in my world. It just made all the sense in the world to me. Still does.

Its raining and raining hard. No Ohiopyle this weekend--its a bike trail in PA just over the border, bout an hour away that I have not yet been to--so I will maybe do something about all that paperwork on my desk, fill out the job applicatioin I received yesterday in response to a resume I sent--what a great job if I could get it. It would use so many of my skills and I could go for my Masters for free-- yup, applying to Grad school now for spring semester-- Master in Communications/Business & Corporate track-- its a nontraditional track---did you think I could find something traditional??? Hell no---not this old hippie. Hell no we won't go---geez sometimes I think I'm plumb crazy---oh? so do you?

Enjoy your today--