Fightless Friday

Finding a way to be grateful on Friday:

The rain will eventually give way to hot sunny days of summer-- grrr and it had better happen real soon

My hubby loves me way more than I have it in me to give into love. I've stopped questioning his love.

I have work, valuable work and flexible schedule in which to do it.

I can be surprised by the love I find growing around me in spite of my refusal to bloom in this here state.

I had Leslie and Roni to talk to when I was so unbearably sad yesterday that I was certain I could not bear it.

I found a note written by Lonny many years ago that he loves me and will miss me Love Always Lonny and I put it next to his picture. That whole basket of papers were from 22nd Street and he signed every note or message he wrote to me with Love Lonny. I'm so happy to have been a pack rat and kept all those little notebooks we used for communicating in a busy household.

That I was able to throw in the trash all the court and legal papers about custody, support, all the fighting and meanness of those years of fighting with Brad for power and property ten years ago. Its over. I don't have to keep them anymore, theres nothing I need to prove to anyone anymore about how mean he was to me. I had a part in all that took place, have made amends and have no need to blame any longer.

I wish I could be grateful about the inability to turn back the clock and do things over again just one more time but do it right this time. I can however be grateful to have had the experiences I've had and hope that I now have the ability to pass on a message of encouragement to others somehow.

I can be grateful today---that there is always someone who has it worse off than me even when I'm certain my situation is unique, different or the worst. My woe is me moods are usually caused by luxury problems not lack of the basics. I still hate it when my sponsor reminds me of this fact but at least lately I've been able to stop myself from arguing with her that no, I have it worse.

That when I let myself, I do have today--safety, security and guidance. And that it really is available to me everyday to choose it over hurt, anger, fear and lonliness.

Today I choose love instead of lack.

That I have a today to enjoy--Just for Today